“You need to relax and just enjoy the now.”
“You just hate Tennessee don’t you?”
“After Highschool we just won’t ever see you again!”
Ah yes. I have heard it all. To Tennesseans, the fact that I do NOT want to live here following graduation is often offensive… (Disclaimer: I love my Tenneseean people and I love my Tennessean food. The following message is not directed towards friends, family, or Chow Wagon.)
God has given us each individual callings and passions. For some, they find peak fulfillment and comfort when they are curled up with their lifelong friends on the couch in their lifelong home with their lifelong love and their lifelong dog. And that is great! Really, I love that. (Some of my favorite people have this personality.)
And there are others who feel that graduating college, moving to that place, landing that job, marrying that guy, getting that house and having those kids is the most wonderful accomplishment and goal. (Security, no money problems, American Dream.. Ah yes.)
…Annnddd then there’s me. Don’t want to live here, wouldn’t ever want to live there, I love that place but oh look! This place has insanely great weather. Would love that job, but omg this job looks so fun. But then ahh who needs a job, I will just marry rich and travel indefinitely.
Literally, most stressful personality ever. Especially when you get trapped in a certain place for extended lengths of time, and then you get that I’m-doomed-to-small-town feeling in the pit of your stomach due to lack of travel (travelsickness.. It’s a thing.) Ugh, No fun.
But yes, I have dealt with lack of contentment.. Since I was 10 years old if you must know. I lived in Thailand, and while there I only wanted to be here. Then I was back here and nearly always wishing I was there. And then there would be the guilt… My family is here. My friends are here. My life is here, why was there always that nagging desire to go go go?
I went to a summer teen camp a couple months ago in Kansas City, MO and I remember sitting in the prayer room one day, whining to Jesus about this very problem. Something along the lines of: Ughhh God why can’t I just stay here? Or could you just make me happy to live in Tennessee? I don’t understand why I can never just be happy where I am.
And then I sat there. And I sulked. And then suddenly there was:
Calm down. You are there for a reason.
Of course, I’m here for a reason. I knew that, I know it now. And I am calm, well, most of the time. But somehow that little reminder gave me peace, maybe not permanent peace but it reminded me that hey, it’s going to be okay. I know He will give me the desires of my heart, and adventure is out there, even if it’s not hiking through Alaska or heading to São Paulo to see my Brazilian bestie. But anyways, the point of this is to say that
1. God doesn’t always speak in big profound ways that shake your entire core and alter your identity.
2. Sometimes He repeats Himself, and sometimes that is exactly what you and I need.
3. I really love traveling and contentment is a major everyday battle.
Oh and by the way, I came home from that camp and I did get that next great adventure. I signed up for my first year of public school, after a lifetime of Homeschooling. And that.. Oh that is a blogpost all its own.
Until next time!